It takes time to recognize and admit that someone has problems committing to a relationship. Learning how to deal with attachment-phobes or even your own obstacles is important and matters a lot for every next relationship you form. Let’s see what are commitment issues, their signs, and potential causes.
What Are Commitment Issues? Attachment-Phobia Explained
If you’re stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to discuss the future or talk about any of its aspects, you may be dealing with an attachment-phobe. If you find yourself acting like this, you may be the phobic one.
Still, having trouble committing doesn’t reflect only on romantic relationships. They could translate into other parts of your life, like committing to a work task or a life routine. When we become too frightened to commit to something, it has signs and underlying causes.
When dealing with someone who doesn’t seem as committed as you, self-care tips can only get you to a certain point. You’ll be working on your peace of mind, but the fractured relationship will still be there. The key to overcoming the issue is discussing it and openly stating your feelings.
What do Commitment Issues Mean?
Those dating people scared to commit soon start noticing signs of mental exhaustion. Asking for the bare minimum stops working at some point. As soon as you become exhausted from begging for love, it’s time to deal with the fact that you’re asking the wrong person to do better.
Having trouble committing means that a person has some sort of mental block. It can be caused by childhood trauma, mental health conditions, how they were raised, and connected to their attachment style, fears, or simply because they’re not with the right person.
If you’re scared of encountering a person anxious about committing, learning the connection between dating and self-love is vital. When you love and value yourself, you’ll meet partners who can follow that and recognize those that only waste time.
What if a Girl Has Commitment Issues?
It doesn’t matter whether a girl or a guy has the phobia of committing. Problems are problems, no matter who has them, and they need to be resolved if the person wants to move on and form better bonds.
The biggest difference may be that women feel the impact of social media more (although men feel the pressure, too) and form opinions about romantic relationships from life reels rather than experiences. This could make them afraid to create connections unless they’re as imagined.
Additionally, women may be more inclined to seek counseling for their problems, but this is not exclusive and shouldn’t be generalized. If you think women’s counseling can help you learn more about your troubles to commit, you should see a therapist and work on that.
What Are Signs of Commitment Issues? Tips on Recognizing Them
Knowing when to walk away from a relationship lies in understanding yourself and what you want. Probably the scariest thing is being irrevocably in love with someone who doesn’t or can’t show the same level of dedication.
Sometimes we confuse the phobia of committing with laziness. While it can be a symptom, it’s not good to think of them as synonymous. There are more obvious signs of trouble to commit, like:
- Avoiding the future – an attachment anxiety symptom is when they don’t discuss the future and avoid discussing the relationship further than today. Similarly, if you can’t make yourself see the future of the relationship, you may be scared to commit.
- Never referring to a partner as such – after going out for a while and meeting all their friends, they still didn’t introduce you as their partner. If you’re scared to tell others what this person is to you, you’re anxious to commit.
- Not feeling emotionally attached – when one person does all the talking and the other doesn’t invest half as much, a gap in emotional attachment occurs. The one afraid to commit typically creates the gap through avoidance.
- Never opening up and sharing – a romantic partner is someone you should be able to trust and rely on. Feeling uncomfortable to share feelings and talk about oneself stems from being scared of committing.
- Questioning the relationship – not every person afraid to commit is avoidant. Some are anxious and continuously worry about their bond and if it will last. Those who feel strongly for their partner but question their emotions are scared to commit out of worrying they’ll get hurt again.
What Causes Commitment Issues? Figuring Out the Origins of the Fear to Commit
What causes fear of commitment? It can be many things, usually related to the past. When asking what is the root of commitment issues, we can typically trace the origin to troubled upbringing or past traumatic relationships.
Victims of domestic abuse may not be prepared to commit again for years. Even if they meet someone nice, many won’t help themselves in sabotaging their chances. The dread of getting hurt again, physically and emotionally, is a typical response among abuse survivors.
For them, self-care is important. Victims are never responsible for the trauma they survive but can empower themselves and become stronger over time – this will also make them stronger in choosing future partners.
A Person’s Attachment Style in a Relationship Could Be the Cause
People can blame attachment styles for their phobia of committing. Those from dysfunctional families develop avoidant and anxious attachment styles from unsatisfied childhood needs. There are four attachment styles:
- Avoidant – Those who are avoidant consider themselves self-sufficient. They don’t think they need anyone, rarely share feelings, and avoid investing any emotion in romantic relationships. They were likely often abandoned or not listened to as children and learned to be independent.
- Anxious – People with the anxious attachment style are preoccupied with their partners and panic when they’re not with them. Anxious attachment makes people clingy, demanding, and seem desperate. Their parents were likely ambivalent or asking for emotional fulfillment from a child they were meant to raise.
- Fearful-avoidant – Fearful avoidant people are a combination of anxious and avoidant. They probably had neglectful parents and learned how to manage without them, but then act anxiously in relationships, and vice versa. Fearful-avoidants can be both independent and co-dependent.
- Secure – This is the healthiest kind of attachment, and research suggests it is also the most common, which is good.
If you recognize yourself in these types of commitment issues, try working it out with a therapist and learn how to take care of yourself in times of need. Attachment styles can change over time, especially if you encounter a suitable significant other.
How to Overcome the Fear of Committing
If the question “Do I have commitment issues?” comes to mind, reflecting on your past relationships and childhood experiences may provide an answer. If dealing with someone fearful of committing, you must learn to deal with your stress and not take theirs personally.
The best way to seek an answer is by attending counseling for women, but if that’s not a step you’re willing to take, try online tests and read about the details of attachment styles.
Talk About How You Feel and Practice It
The best tip for opening up to a loved one when you’re avoidant or anxious is just to say what’s on your mind. This isn’t exactly one of the most valuable tips for introverts, but it’s the only one that can genuinely work.
First, learn your attachment style, then tell them about the problem. If they ask you what does “commitment issues” mean, explain by giving examples. They will probably understand what you’re talking about right away and recognize some of your behaviors.
This explanation will help you, too. Learning which of your actions hurts your lover will make you more prone to change if you want to.
Don’t Avoid Professional Help and Therapy
It’s normal to avoid therapy for women and wonder if counseling works. Some will dismiss the opportunity to work on themselves but may end up simply being avoidant out of habit and because they find life easier that way.
Counselors recommend exposure therapy for conquering fears, as it leads to feeling more comfortable in the discomfort and increasing tolerance. If you’re too scared, ask your s.o. to attend couples’ counseling sessions and work on it together.
Therapists for Women Work On Dealing With and Dismantling Attachment Problems
Women’s therapy can help people with attachment problems to come out of their shells. Therapists provide tools for conquering anxiety and fears that’ll completely change your outlook and health.
You may be nervous about booking your first therapy appointment, but if you contact WOC Therapy, you’ll see it’s what you’ve needed this entire time. Our counselors for women offer helpful services and can assist you in choosing a therapist according to your needs.
Your attachment problems won’t be immediately solved, but you won’t feel alone or broken ever again. Having a therapist at your side will be a moral and psychological boost like none other. You’ll return to a loved one healed and more self-aware.