Sometimes, relationships end, and it’s not easy to handle that loss. No matter what kind of relationship it was, you won’t be alright with what has happened for a while. Ending a romantic relationship is often the most difficult to process, which is why most of us wonder – how long does it take to get over a breakup?
What Are the 5 Stages of a Breakup?
While you’re wondering How long should it take to get over a breakup, it’s important to first learn about the healing process itself. Since breaking up essentially means suffering a loss, the sadness after the separation is grief, which comes in stages. They are:
- Denial – when grieving a loss, our initial reaction is denying it ever happened. It’s human to want to pretend as if everything is still the same, but soon, the facts will settle in, and we have to understand it’s not;
- Anger – this phase doesn’t have to target anything or anyone specifically. It could be the ex, ourselves, or everyone around us – romantic couples tend to get on our last nerve in public, and we feel anger towards any expression of love;
- Bargaining – this may be the most challenging phase because there’s still some sadness, but now it’s mixed with desperation – we’d do anything to get back together. For many people, the bargaining phase comes from the fear of staying alone;
- Depression – once this phase arrives, it’s most important to employ self-care tips and do anything to ease the process. In a way, this stage is closest to closure because there’s no more bargaining to stay together;
- Acceptance – the phase everyone hopes for at the beginning of the grieving process, which brings some optimism to life again. We feel like things can and will be better after all.
The stages of grief are commonly explained in this way, but in reality, they don’t function as clearly as crossing a border from one stage to the next. Instead, you’ll often experience them simultaneously. The phases also don’t last for a certain amount of months or days; each one will be different because you and your situation are unique.
How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Breakup? People Take Time to Grieve Differently, So We Can’t Always Know
Whenever someone goes through a separation, they start looking for ways to get over it as quickly as possible. One of the most common questions people look up is probably “how long on average does it take to get over a breakup?”
Sadly (or not), there is not a set timeline. You can’t give yourself two months to get over a relationship without doing the work that matters, which is self-care and often – therapy. If you do this, the disappointment of not reaching the goal will dig a deeper hole, and you’ll be back to square one. Self-compassion is crucial during this period.
Some magazines and articles provide formulas for calculating the time it takes to get over an ex, and you’ll likely see many of those as you research the topic. However, they’re all just setups for disappointment if they don’t turn out to be true in your case. Still, if the calculations help you stay on track with specific tasks, they could be an excellent motivation to continue living life and begin the healing process without major interruptions.
What Factors Determine the Time It Takes to Get Over Someone?
Some say men get over breakups faster, while others emphasize women are better at healing fully, but these are all relative things that cannot be answered with certainty. Before asking things like who gets over a breakup faster, consider the reasons and circumstances under which the separation happened, as well as the quality of the relationship itself.
See the Broken Relationship for What It Was, and Don’t Force Yourself to Feel Things You Can’t at the Moment
If you were broken up with, it has likely caught you off guard. The other person may have intended to do this for a while, but that doesn’t make it any easier for you. On the other hand, breaking someone’s heart can be as difficult as having it broken; it just doesn’t seem that way when you’re on the receiving end.
Firstly, look at the relationship for what it really was – did your partner genuinely do everything to make you feel loved and appreciated? Putting things into perspective may speed things up, but it doesn’t guarantee you’ll stay positive throughout. If everything was seemingly perfect and the separation came as a surprise, it would probably take a while to get over.
If you were cheated on or there were many red flags along the way, you might force yourself to get angry and deny feeling any sadness from the process, but it will still be there. Allow the emotions to come up and down as time passes because the best thing to do about them is nothing at all – go with the flow and focus on yourself as much as possible.
Tips to Continue With Life Without Focusing on the Separation Too Much
While going through the stages of grief, you mustn’t judge yourself. You may feel guilty for getting angry at innocent bystanders or like you should do better when all you can do is lie in bed and cry. There are many self-care ideas for women that can aid you in reducing the harshness of those emotions.
Ruminating over the question of “how do I stop hurting after a breakup” will just make it harder. This is why you should do whatever possible to move on and not let the difficult times ruin your desire to do small acts of kindness for yourself.
Firstly, surround yourself with friends and the people who love you. It’s not the same as being with a partner – it’s even better. Your friends and family can prove you’re worthy of love even in the most challenging moments. Appreciating what you have is easier said than done, but practicing it little by little will surely mean a lot.
Follow Through on Things You Promise to Yourself
Learning how to deal with stress and depression will take a toll on you. Give yourself a week or two to simply do nothing at all. Cry whenever you need to and get some privacy whenever necessary. After that initial period, create a plan that you’ll follow more or less to a T.
For example, create a list of coping strategies that don’t involve binge drinking or eating – unhealthy habits can easily lead to more depression. Try new ways to move your body, combine privacy with socializing, take up a new hobby, or try women’s therapy.
Occupying your brain with a routine that emphasizes compassion and patience and allowing the feelings to happen without judgment is very hard to learn. However, these things will undoubtedly lead to living life to the fullest again.
How to Avoid Falling Behind
To avoid undoing all the progress you’ve made, you have to understand the impact of social media on your life, too. Most of us are online and use at least one social media platform, and your ex is likely on there, too. You’ll likely want to check in with the person you’re no longer dating, “just to see how they’re doing”.
You can escape the scenario of looking back on your life together and how in love you were by deleting any photo evidence of it. If you’re sure that the first moment you get emotional will have you calling your ex or going through their social media profile, block them.
Blocking and deleting require a ton of self-awareness and firm boundaries. Just having the option to call will make getting over them much harder, which means taking it out of the equation will make things a lot easier. You can practice these crucial qualities with a therapist for women.
If blocking and deleting isn’t an option, ask your friends to stop you from calling or looking up your ex. This means less privacy but higher chances of not falling behind on your road to recovery.
If It Takes a While to Get Over Breaking Up, Consider Therapy
A therapist won’t tell you how long to take to get over a breakup, but attending therapy for women will be a great way to establish boundaries, learn to follow up on your plans, and cope with the five stages of grief much easier. You shouldn’t worry about booking your first therapy appointment because having a professional counselor for women by your side is one of the best and healthiest coping strategies for any emotional turmoil.
Does Therapy Work for Healing After Relationships?
Women’s counseling is perfect for any moment, but it’s highly beneficial when relationships end. Women’s therapy can help you process heavy emotions and learn ways to cope with them if they return. Many people ask if therapy works, and if you contact us, you’ll be the living proof that it does.
It’s Possible to Find a Therapist that Will Perfectly Understand Your Pain
Suppose you’re specifically interested in therapy for women of color. In that case, you can reach out to us and find a therapist of color that can empathize and ensure you’re comfortable – feeling better and like yourself again is possible, but you must learn how to choose a therapist that will lead you to that place mentally. Therapy is the ultimate form of self-love because you’re actively working on helping yourself in times of need.