(818) 245-5352September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, and this one feels deeply personal to me.
I was born and raised in Los Angeles, and my path into mental health work began not only with what I witnessed in my community, but with my own struggles and losses. Two of my closest friends in college died by suicide. They were bright souls with so much potential, and they were also carrying depression that many of us could not see.
Losing them left me with questions that have stayed with me ever since: Why aren’t we talking? How do we break the stigma around therapy—especially as Black women? Who is there to support us when strength becomes too heavy to perform?
Those questions became part of the foundation of Women of Color Therapy.
They are also why I keep returning to a simple question this month: How often do we ask someone how they are doing—and leave enough room to hear the real answer?
Many of us have learned to say, “I’m fine,” before we have even checked in with ourselves. We keep moving, keep caring for everyone else, and keep holding together the pieces people cannot see. In communities where strength has often been necessary for survival, admitting that we are struggling can feel unfamiliar—or even unsafe.
But strength and struggle can live in the same body. Needing support does not cancel out your resilience.
When “I’m Fine” Becomes Armor
There is a difference between privacy and isolation. Privacy gives us room to process. Isolation convinces us that whatever we are carrying must be carried alone.
My friends’ deaths taught me, painfully, that suffering is not always visible. Sometimes the people who seem full of light and possibility are also fighting battles in silence. The signs that someone needs support are not always dramatic. They may look like unanswered messages, irritability, exhaustion that does not lift, pulling away, or losing interest in the things that usually bring pleasure. Sometimes a person continues showing up for work, parenting, church, school, and everyone else while quietly disappearing from their own life.
Black women, especially, are often praised for how much we can endure. Yet praise for our strength can become another kind of pressure when it leaves no room for our tenderness, anger, and grief.
A meaningful check-in does not require perfect words. It requires presence. It may sound like: “You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. I care about you. How are you really doing?” Then comes the harder part—listening without rushing to fix, compare, minimize, or offer a silver lining.
Sometimes hope begins with being believed.
One Conversation Can Open a Door
WOC Therapy grew from my belief that women and teens of color deserve easier access to affirming, holistic care—care that understands the cultural, social, and structural realities affecting our lives. I also wanted to create a place where people could come home to themselves, connect with others, and feel part of a wider community.
That kind of human connection matters. We need relationships we can trust and spaces where our full identities are valued. We do not have to wait until someone falls apart to make care available.
Current Suicide Prevention Month resources from SAMHSA and NAMI emphasize connection, honest conversation, recognizing changes, and helping people reach appropriate support. This does not mean we are responsible for becoming someone’s therapist. It means we can notice, ask, listen, and help connect.
If you are concerned that someone may be thinking about suicide, it is okay to ask directly: “Are you thinking about suicide?” Asking clearly does not place the idea in someone’s mind. It can reduce ambiguity and communicate that you are willing to hear the truth without judgment.
If the answer is yes, or you believe someone may be in immediate danger, do not leave them alone. Call or text 988 in the United States for support from the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Call 911 if there is an immediate life-threatening emergency.
Tools to Try This Week — Mental Health Support for All Women
- Replace “How are you?” with a question that creates room. Try: “What has felt heavier than usual lately?” or “What kind of support would feel helpful this week?” Specific questions often make honest answers easier.
- Use a simple three-part check-in. Ask yourself: What am I feeling? What do I need? Who can help me carry this? Write down the answers without judging them. Your need might be rest, information, a boundary, companionship, therapy, or practical help.
- Create a small care circle before you need it. Choose three people or resources: someone who can listen, someone who can help with something practical, and a professional or crisis resource. Save their information in your phone under “My Care Circle.”
- Practice listening without rescuing. When someone opens up, try: “Thank you for telling me,” “I’m here with you,” and “Would you like me to listen, help you problem-solve, or help you find support?” This gives care without taking away their agency.
- Save culturally relevant support resources. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available by calling or texting 988. BEAM’s Get Help Now page also gathers crisis lines, peer support, and resources that may feel more culturally responsive. Therapy for Black Girls offers a therapist directory and mental-health resources created with Black women and girls in mind. These tools provide general support and are not a substitute for individualized mental-health or medical care. If you or someone you know may be in immediate danger, call 911 or contact 988.
You Don’t Have to Wait for a Breaking Point
At Women of Color Therapy, we believe care should make room for culture, context, tenderness, and the whole person—not just symptoms. If you have been telling yourself that things are “not bad enough” to seek support, consider this your reminder: you do not have to reach a breaking point before reaching out.
Whatever season you are in, you deserve relationships where your honest answer is welcome. You deserve care before the crisis, rest before the collapse, and support that does not require you to perform strength.
If this season feels heavy, know that you are not alone. You do not have to carry it alone. I see you. I hear you. You matter.
If you’re ready to talk with someone, reach out to Women of Color Therapy to learn more about our services.
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