(818) 245-5352No one likes to mourn a past love, but to heal properly, one has to grieve first. Although moving on after a breakup can be hard, we’ve prepared advice from professional counselors for women to help you weather the storm. They may not be able to take away the heartache, but they can definitely make the process easier.
There’s No Escaping the Stages of Moving on After a Breakup
Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as moving on fast after a breakup – not if you want to actually move on, that is. This is because breakups are a confusing and difficult time filled with grief. You are getting over a person, mourning the relationship, and often, an idea of the future that was centered around this past love. So, don’t rush your healing, but let yourself slowly get accustomed to the changes in your life.
Locating Yourself in the Five Stages of Grief Is the First Step to Understanding the Path That Awaits You
Emotional healing is a process, and a rocky one at that, so you shouldn’t expect it to be over in a day or two. Just like you would do with a broken arm, you have to tend to your broken heart, put it in a metaphorical cast, and give it the opportunity to heal properly. Interestingly enough, the same way doctors can foresee the healing of an arm, psychologists and therapists can tell you what the motions of heartache and mental health after relationships fall apart are, or as experts would call them – the five stages of grief:
- Denial – When big life changes occur, such as breaking up, it is difficult to process what happened. It can take some time to get over the initial shock and comprehend that you are entering the single life yet again. A hope that things may go back to how they were lingers around, as our psyche tries to protect us from becoming overwhelmed by the inevitable pain.
- Anger – It is not uncommon to lash out as the infatuation with your ex wears off and become aware of all the hurt and trouble this person brought into your life only after walking away from the relationship. Once the initial shock and denial wear off, anger usually sets in. A person becomes resentful towards their former partner, themselves, their friends and family, fate, and even God.
- Bargaining – In the whirlwind of initial emotions, comes the bargaining phase. The hurt and pain, new anxiety symptoms, and loneliness become too much to bear, so you feel compelled to stay and revisit the partnership that was. You start telling yourself that the relationship wasn’t as bad and that the cost of keeping everyone happy and in love isn’t as big as it may seem.
- Depression – Most often, the bargaining phase turns out to be futile, and people end up finding themselves alone, yet unable to achieve the highest potential of their single selves. Depressive feelings creep up and convince you you’ll never move on or love again. Hopelessness haunts your heart, and the tendency to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol might arise, too.
- Acceptance – Slowly, but surely, you come to terms with your newfound single status and the need for love. Sadness is still present, but it comes in waves that are shorter and less intense. It no longer feels like you are dealing with all the bad in the world, and self-medicating becomes less frequent and opens space to self-care rituals and new interests.
To learn more about the stages of grief after relationships, we recommend checking out the following video.
These Stages May Be Inevitable, But Navigating Them Is Easier With Good Coping Mechanisms
When you’re out of love, it can feel as if you are walking blindfolded through a minefield. But rather than go back to what you know – your past relationship – it’s better to develop new coping mechanisms. Truth be told – had your relationship worked, you probably wouldn’t be where you are now. And when one road fails you, it’s better to take a different path.
Even if You Plan on Staying Friends, Psychologists Still Recommend the No-Contact Approach in the Initial Stages
Sometimes, relationships end not because someone is a bad person, or because they did something wrong – but because this isn’t the romantic ideal you would want in your life. When you love someone but don’t want to stay lovers long-term, it can make a lot of sense to stay friends.
However, to be able to transition into a platonic relationship with your former partner, you first have to detach yourself from the idea of your shared romantic love. Even if you think you are over it, time still needs to pass for the change to sink in completely. Remove yourself from the equation, lick your wounds, and get over the breakup, so that when your ex comes back into your life, you don’t feel the weight of confusion or unexpected heartbreak pressing you down.
Spend Time Doing Things That Make You Feel Good and Work on Yourself
When you are in a relationship, it is a wonderful thing to focus on your partner and help them become a better and happier person. But after a breakup, you will find yourself with more free time and energy on your hands that you aren’t sure where to invest. While it can be hard to direct all this love and attention to yourself, self-care is exactly what you need right now. When a lover is no longer there to hold your hand, you’ll have to become your own partner for the time being. Enjoy the extra free time and the fact that you no longer have to succumb to the needs and wants of others. Rather, spend it doing and exploring the things that interest you.
Don’t Bury Emotions – Allow Yourself to Cry and Vent to Your Support System
In the modern world, society and social media keep putting an emphasis on the idea that we need to be happy all the time. However, if you want to truly know happiness and calm, you have to allow yourself to experience sadness, anger, and hurt as well. When you are hurt, though, it can be hard to hold your own hand and watch yourself fall apart. So gather your best emotional support system – your best friends, family, or a therapist, and let them take care of you. It is the most human thing you can do while on the path to feeling like yourself again.
There Is Such a Thing as Moving on Too Fast After a Breakup – Wait Till You’re Ready to Start Dating Again
A romantic partner has a significant role in a person’s life, so becoming single can leave a palpable void. Breaking up often leaves us with the need to fill this gaping hole in our hearts with another person. You no longer have someone to call when experiencing work stress, or even someone to send a good night text to. And while some people may truly find comfort and fun in connecting with new people after ending things, dating again without working on yourself and jumping into a new relationship isn’t something you should do right away. In order to not hurt your or the other person’s feelings, it is crucial to be at least partially over your ex. Waiting until a few months have passed and you’ve come to accept the fact they are no longer with you will save you a lot of heartache and confusion when navigating a new love.
If You’re Having a Hard Time Moving On, Consider Finding Counseling for Women Near You
Many people turn to therapists and book their first therapy appointment after a big life change occurs. They need someone to help them navigate the complexity of what they are feeling and find ways to turn the pain into a productive force. And there is a reason so many people google “women’s therapy near me” in times of trouble – it is because therapy for women of color really works wonders.
Working on Your Mental Health Is Much Easier With an Impartial Counselor for Women By Your Side
The main reason why so many turn to women’s counseling, whether it’s individual or group sessions they choose, is because having a professional guide you through heartache really makes a difference. Your friends and family are great and important, but they’ve known you personally since forever and love you with their whole hearts. Additionally, they probably knew your ex and have been invested in the relationship in one way or another.
Although your loved ones can help improve your mental and emotional health, they are too invested in wanting to help you get over the feeling of heartache to actually be objective about the best way to do so. A certified counselor understands all these things on a more structural level, which involves both your personal history and the human condition as such as well. That way, learning how to calm yourself down when hurting, building yourself from the ground up, and finding hope and direction become much more attainable tasks.
Whichever Stage of Healing You’re in, There Is Happiness and Love Ahead
No matter which phase of healing you are in, keep in mind that it is a process, and a difficult one at that. And although it won’t always be sunshine and roses, it won’t be all storms and hardship either. Even in the darkest of times, remember that light still exists somewhere and that it awaits you – because you still haven’t become your strongest and truest self, and you still haven’t met all the people who will love you, and whom you will love. Just don’t give up – there is much more to life than heartbreak.
