How to Get Over a Bad Breakup? | How to Get Over a Bad Breakup?

How to Get Over a Bad Breakup?

Relationships

Tamika Lewis January 11, 2022

Figuring out how to get over a bad breakup is never easy. You’ll have to feel your feelings and get out there, and your entire being will just want to go back to its comfort zone. However, relationships end for a reason. And with that reason in mind, you’ll be able to build yourself anew and find a partner who’ll be perfect for you. The tips we have in store will just make the route shorter and more manageable.

How to Get Over a Bad Breakup When You’re Hurting?

When love ends, the pain can truly be intolerable. All you want to do is feel happy and whole again, yet you don’t know how to get there. You’re asking everyone around you: how do I stop hurting after a breakup? You even turn to the Internet to find answers. It’s hard, it truly is. But if you want to know how to get over a breakup when you still love each other, you’re going to have to work hard. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers, but all that work will be worth it in the end.

How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Bad Breakup?

The thing is, we’re all different, so there’s no specific number of days or months after which you’ll be fine. It all depends on how long you were together, how in love you were when things fell apart, and how in-tune you are with your feelings. If you want to talk statistics, however, it seems like 3.5 months is the average time after which people start feeling better. However, if it’s the end of a long-term partnership or a divorce, it may take more than a year to heal.

Hearts break, and people grow apart, but coming to terms with that can take months or even years

You Can’t Rush the Process – Let Yourself Grieve

First thing’s first – we know you want to get over this mess of hurt, anger, loneliness, and confusion as soon as possible, but poet Robert Frost said – the only way out is through. What he was trying to say is that heartbreak after a relationship ends is inevitable, even when you know you’ve made the right choice.

Allow yourself to cry and grieve the loss of an important person. Although it is not easy, you won’t be able to feel true happiness without letting the hurt out. So cry, scream, yell, and rant to your friends. And know that it won’t always feel as gut-wrenching as it does now. Trust us when we tell you that the pain will subside as soon as you stop suppressing it.

What Are the Stages of a Breakup?

We all lose someone we love sooner or later – whether it is the end of a relationship, a divorce, or even the death of a loved one, these inevitable changes in human lives are universal. And so is grief. And while we all bring in a little bit of personal spice to the grieving mix, as special individuals that we are, grief is generally expressed and felt in seven stages. Knowing them can help you let go and subsequently navigate the process of healing with more effectiveness:

  • Denial – You are numb and in disbelief. You convince yourself it’s just a short-term fight, and wait for your ex to come back into your life and beg you to reconcile.
  • Pain and guilt – Once the shock wears off, that’s when the suffering starts. You feel an enormous loss and think it will never change. You may even start blaming yourself for what happened or wondering what you did to deserve this.
  • Anger and bargaining – After the suffering, comes lashing out, anger, and resentment. You hate your former partner for what happened but also start thinking about how much better it would be the second time around – how much effort you’d put in to be a better partner.
  • Depression – After anger, loneliness and isolation take the scene. You swear off relationships altogether, because you don’t want to let more people down. Feeling depressed is a difficult stage, but a necessary one, since it brings the most reflection.
  • The upward turn – You are feeling a bit calmer and more relaxed. The future seems far, but the possibility of a new love doesn’t seem as impalpable.
  • Reconstruction and working through – Slowly but surely, you start rebuilding yourself and your life. You start learning from your mistakes and are feeling refreshed, even inspired at times.
  • Acceptance and hope – You’ve come to terms with the situation. Yet, acceptance doesn’t equal instant happiness. You are more secure in yourself, know you still have things to offer to future lovers and the world, and are hoping to start a different romantic journey.
A woman with postpartum depression hugging a pillow
Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is have a good, hard cry on your pillow

Don’t Try to Fill the Void by Jumping Into Dating Right Away

Whether you’re the one who walked away from the relationship, or your partner is the one that left, you’ll be experiencing a loss. One of the main downsides of the situation is the hole in your heart and your life in the shape of a partner. You no longer have someone to text good morning and good night, no one to hold hands with on long evening walks. It can be tempting to find another person to take on the role of your new lover and continue on as nothing happened.

Don’t Act Out on Your Need for a Partner Before You’re Ready

If you’re still going through the motions and figuring out how to get over a painful breakup, dating impulsively may not be the best idea. Our expert opinion is to take the time to work on yourself before dating someone else. That way, you can rest assured that you won’t bring any new confusion into your life and won’t hurt someone else by mistake.

Refrain from rushing back into the dating game too quickly

Take All That Energy You Focused on Your Ex, and Use It to Better Yourself

When we are in love, we tend to split our energy between our lover and self-care. To be frank, women tend to spend even more time working on the relationship and their partner than themselves. And when you no longer have that special someone to focus on, it can be easy to fall into the pit of wanting to get back together, texting your ex, and thinking about them constantly, and looking at their social media. However, if you really want to move on, you’ll need to try to spend all that time and energy on yourself. You are your main partner now.

Throwing Yourself Into Your Career Works Like a Charm

When relationships end, some symptoms of anxiety are almost inevitable. Many people start doubting themselves and feeling like a failure because something they worked so hard on fell through. And that’s why it is so healing to see yourself succeed in a different sphere. This may be the perfect moment to work hard and really make an effort to excel in your career. You may even want to look for a different job or ask for a promotion. Doing something you love will introduce the healing and self-love you may have forgotten about.

Woman on the phone
Rather than spending all day stalking their social media, start working on your CV and applying for better job opportunities

Starting Women’s Counseling Is a Great Way to Mend a Broken Heart

Don’t think that researching “counseling for women near me” is reserved only for those experiencing panic attacks or other mental health issues. Whether you know it or not, your mental health is not in its prime currently. Deciding to start therapy for women of color is a great way to find yourself when you are lost and need guidance. Becoming single is a big life change, and as such, it requires some help from a professional therapist.

Working on Your Mental Health Is Much Easier With the Help of a Therapist of Color by Your Side

At this point, you are probably talking your friends’ ears off. And that’s great and healthy. But, your besties aren’t objective listeners in the way professional counselors for women are. They can help, but only to a certain point. The reason why so many people choose to find a therapist is that having a neutral professional guide you through the process of healing really does work.

So, if you want to figure out how to get over a hard breakup, it may be best to turn to a workshop counselor for women who can provide you with a fresh perspective. Having someone guide you through the past will help you learn from your mistakes and get a realistic view of what you’re going through. In the end, you’ll grow as a person, stabilize your mental health, and learn how to become a better partner in your future romantic pursuits.

Researching "women's therapy near me" is a hard first step, but it is crucial to work on your mental health now

After a Relationship, It’s Crucial to Create a Fresh Routine by Trying Out New Things

Even when you come to terms with the heartbreak and get over the sadness, you can still feel lost. That’s because a version of you no longer exists. Your routines have changed – you’re no longer watching that TV show together, you may lose interest in going bowling if they are not there with you, and some of your favorite coffee shops and clubs might have lost their appeal. That’s why it is important to create a different routine. And although it can be really hard at first, it is one of the most exciting, rewarding, and fun experiences this whole mess will yield.

Exploring New Hobbies and Places Will Restore Your Sense of Self

Now is your time to shine and become who you’ve always wanted to be. Maybe you wanted to get a driver’s license but were having too much fun with your partner to find the time to do it. Have you always wanted to learn to dance salsa, but were feeling awkward about it? Now is the time to start those yoga classes, that ceramics course, or take a solo trip to Europe. Start reading again, take yourself on solo dates, invite your friends over for dinner. Start making art from your pain and creating something new. Enjoy life, and something good will come out of it.

You don't have to make any compromises now, so live your life to the fullest and find things that make you happy

It May Be Difficult Now, But You Won’t Feel Like This Forever

No one likes to have to get over a heartbreak. It’s painful, and it takes time and effort, but that’s the thing about outgrowing the hurt. You have to go through the suffering of it all so that you can get out the other side stronger and wiser. Along the way, you’ll grow closer to your friends, explore the world, and meet new people. And on the days when it feels like all the light has gone out of the world, just remember – you won’t feel like this forever. There is so much more love and joy waiting for you.

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