Pavan Basra, clinician and confidence-building expert with WOC Therapy recently put out a survey asking women about their biggest frustrations with the quarantine life. Lack of physical intimacy fell surprisingly high on the list!
According to Pavan, the following three tips will help single and partnered women keep sexual excitement alive in their relationships.
1. Communication is Key
Take a love language test with your partner to determine which language you speak! If your prominent love language is physical touch and you are social distancing, go with the second highest rating and substitute touch for that.
Eye contact is also a powerful form of intimacy. Eye contact can dramatically increase a sudden urge to smile and to listen more intently to your partner. When you can acknowledge and look into your partner’s eyes you are able to tune into their emotions.
Fun activity suggestion: Try eye-gazing for the length of one song looking into your partners eyes. It will give you chills!
Virtual sex is a great form of communication for partnered and single women. It’s a new age with new technology, sexting can spice things up whether through text/facetime/zoom/skype/etc. Sexting does not always mean dirty talk or sending naked pictures, sexting is whatever you are comfortable with and whatever makes you both feel sexy and connected.
2. Try Love Mapping with Your Partner
Love mapping is a term created by relationship guru John Gottman. When you choose to spend your life with someone, you hand them a map to your inner world. You get to know each other so well that excitement starts to wane. The task for new couples is to intentionally be adding details to that map. Love mapping helps you and your partner stay in discovery mode. Try new things together like an online cooking class. Stay connected to things that create vitality – a quality of aliveness. According to Esther Perel, “the crisis of desire is the crisis of imagination.” Keep your imaginations piqued for a longer lasting relationship.
3. Tips for All the Single Ladies!
This is a great time for exploring pleasure points in your own body. Did you know that only 65% of straight women reach orgasm during sex compared to gay women reaching 86% orgasm during sex and 95% of straight males? Sexual satisfaction for women is not necessarily geared towards penetration alone. Take advantage of this time to learn about your body. As RuPaul says, “if you can’t love yourself how you gonna love somebody else?” For tips on spicing up sexual play with toys, check out Shan Boodram’s top recommendations.
As for dating apps, I know they can be a drag, but now might be a great time for making deeper connections with people, without the looming pressure of the night cap “hook-up.”
The worst thing you can do in these times, is shelve your sexual desires entirely. According to Elizabeth Gilbert, too many women are having what is called consensual versus pleasurable sex because we’re so lost in our minds and not wanting to impose on others. But here’s the thing. Physical intimacy directly translates to feelings of safety and security for women, which is why we need it and why it’s critical in these time of uncertainty.