Month: April 2023

A Therapist’s Guide to Navigating Outgrowing Friendships

Friendships are often one of the most significant and consistent relationships people have outside of family- they can span decades and distances. But, just like romantic relationships, friendships are not immune to growing pains. While we may wish for our friendships to last forever, the reality is that we naturally change and outgrow friendships that used to nurture and sustain us.

We treasure our friendships and invest time and energy to maintain them. However, it’s common to outgrow friendships as we evolve and grow as individuals. Although it can be a tough pill to swallow, outgrowing relationships with people is a significant part of growing and finding yourself.

While some relationships may endure and deepen over time, others may fade away or become toxic. It’s important to invest in friendships that uplift and inspire you.

Outgrowing friendships is a process that can cause a range of emotions, from sadness and confusion to even guilt. As a therapist who has witnessed this process first-hand in my clients, I’m here to offer advice on navigating the pain of outgrowing friendships.

Overcoming Perfectionism and the Fear of Failure

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed with the pressure of success, especially if you’re a woman of color in a male-dominated field. Women of color often experience higher levels of perfectionism and fear of failure than other demographics due to systemic racism, sexism, and other forms of discrimination. When you’re a woman of color, and your success is predicated on your acceptance from the majority, perfection can feel like the only real option. We have to be more likeable, articulate, logical, and work harder just to enter the spaces that others already exist so comfortably in.

We don’t get taken as seriously. If we fail, we risk jeopardizing the prospects of other WOC who will inevitably be compared to us. We’re forced to compete with our own sisters for limited spots. Our work is valued oftentimes only if we expose our vulnerabilities, trauma, and struggles of being a WOC. Our stories of success are tokenized or used as a comparison for other WOC- “If she could do it, then why can’t you?”

So how can we learn to move past our perfectionist tendencies and fear of failure so that we can each reach success and fulfillment in our own ways?