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The reality TV show Indian Matchmaking flooded Netflix with popularity this past month and let me tell ya…it’s pretty accurate. As a South Asian Punjabi woman, when I watched it, I was conflicted between laughter and frustration. The premise of the show is about upper class South Asian singles who are on the hunt for marriages with the help of matchmaker Sima Taparia AKA Sima mami (auntie). Sima mami helps rich eligible bachelors and bachelorettes find suitors for marriage and basically hooks them up on dates throughout the show. When each single is shown a potential partner, Sima mami gives them a “biodata” about each potential date. A biodata is basically a resume describing the person’s occupation, location, age, appearance, height, weight, interests, religion, caste, and more. Crazy right? But yes, biodata’s […]
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The strong Black woman trope has been ingrained in society for centuries. It’s a damaging stereotype that affects Black women in a multitude of negative ways. Black women tend to feel pressured to achieve the impossible and do so without showing any emotion as a mechanism to deal with the stress. They wake up and walk out of the door with an emotional armor in order to uphold the “strong image” often at the expense of their humanity. Whether its work, family or relationships we are constantly faced with situations where we are expected to remain strong and support others while suffering in silence. A stressful situation can trigger a series of stress hormones that can produce physiological changes in the body and mind. The “fight-or-flight” response is often discussed […]
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Being a woman of color (WOC) is a privilege but in today’s society there are a number of things that breed racial trauma. It is something that builds inside WOC – everyday we are met with different situations that add to our past painful experiences of racism. Many of us, including me have been oblivious to what we are suffering from. Wounds from generational, physical and personal racism as well as microaggressions and gaslighting have added to the suffering WOC must face in a daily basis. Racist incidents and gross injustice build up over time and result in racial trauma. Racial trauma is a form of race-based stress that occurs as a result of the racial discrimination people of color experience. Despite its similarity to post-traumatic stress disorder, racial trauma […]
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Ever have dinner with a therapist? My kids would be the first to tell you that it’s no ordinary affair. We dish up mac and cheese and existential debates at our dinner table. Like if sea animals were human would SeaWorld still exist? And will heaven be filled with OMG dolls? A little strange I know, but psychotherapists love a good question and the unforeseen places they can take you. The greatest joy of childhood is being able to ask the unfiltered and awkward questions. Especially the ones that leave the most seasoned parent dumbfounded. I got one of those recently, and wanted to run clear in the opposite direction. On the heels of George Floyd’s death, my son locked his big brown eyes on mine and asked, “Is it […]
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The black American psyche has been rattled once again. I tremble to think there is no end in sight. D.H. Lawrence once wrote: “All the other stuff, the love, the democracy, the floundering into lust, is a sort of by-play. The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. It has never yet melted.” As the mother of a black 12-year-old boy and 9-year-old girl, I’m scared. I worry for the brilliant black minds that are tired of qualifying their existence in this world. How can we create solutions and flourish when the undercurrent of our very being is hate? People and their “bootstrap theories” need to understand one thing. Depression, low self-esteem, and failure to thrive are not endemic to the black community. They are consequences of racial […]
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Pavan Basra, clinician and confidence-building expert with WOC Therapy recently put out a survey asking women about their biggest frustrations with the quarantine life. Lack of physical intimacy fell surprisingly high on the list! According to Pavan, the following three tips will help single and partnered women keep sexual excitement alive in their relationships. 1. Communication is KeyTake a love language test with your partner to determine which language you speak! If your prominent love language is physical touch and you are social distancing, go with the second highest rating and substitute touch for that. Eye contact is also a powerful form of intimacy. Eye contact can dramatically increase a sudden urge to smile and to listen more intently to your partner. When you can acknowledge and look into your […]
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